Understanding perfectionism and how to overcome it

What is perfectionism according to experts

Perfectionism is the belief that everything you do must be flawless. According to Israa Nasir, a psychotherapist based in New York, it often leads to anxiety, reduced confidence, and a constant feeling of inadequacy. Perfectionists experience dissatisfaction because their goals continually shift.

They are harsher on themselves than any external critic. Nasir explains that the inability to feel satisfied comes from always raising the bar, creating an endless cycle of unmet expectations.

Three types of perfectionism

Research identifies three main forms of perfectionism:

• Self-directed perfectionism: Imposing unrealistic standards on oneself.
• Externally directed perfectionism: Expecting perfection from others, including family and colleagues.
• Perception-based perfectionism: Striving to appear perfect in the eyes of others.

Danyale Freeman, a North Carolina-based activist, highlights that marginalized groups, like Black women, often feel added pressure to be perfect. This stems from a need to overcome societal biases and prove equality.

Why perfectionists procrastinate

Procrastination is a common trait among perfectionists. The fear of failing to meet impossible standards causes them to delay tasks. This is often visible in simple actions like composing an email.

Many spend excessive time refining their work, only to hesitate before sending it. This tendency undermines productivity and increases anxiety. Nasir notes that this behavior often stems from a lack of trust in one’s own abilities.

Strategies to overcome perfectionism

Overcoming perfectionism requires deliberate effort and practical steps. Nasir suggests the following:

• Use a timer: Set a realistic limit for tasks, such as 20 minutes to draft an email. When the timer ends, send the email.
• Define success beforehand: Create 3-4 questions that determine if a task meets its purpose, like whether an email communicates key points.
• Practice emotional regulation: Learn to manage discomfort without giving in to perfectionist urges. Techniques like deep breathing can help.

Danyale Freeman emphasizes accepting imperfection as part of personal growth. She advises focusing on effort rather than unattainable perfection, reinforcing that doing your best within the given time is enough.

Recognizing and addressing perfectionism can improve productivity and mental health. By setting realistic goals, practicing self-compassion, and applying structured strategies, individuals can free themselves from the burden of perfectionism.

source: CBC